13 reasons Sixteen Candles doesn’t work in 2008

So I caught Sixteen Candles on cable this evening, and I can’t seem to change the channel once John Hughes gets a grip on my television. At first I thought, “hey, somebody should remake this, update it a bit, but keep as much as possible.” Then I realized how much of it just wouldn’t translate anymore. In the age of Super Sweet Sixteens,

  1. kids don’t learn about “that stuff” at school, they learn about it on the Internet.
  2. Sam’s friend wouldn’t freak out about a “black guy?!” oh, and there would have been a token-black-guy in the movie. (which, in it’s own way, would be whack.)
  3. I don’t think “party serious” translates to 2008.
  4. instead of obsessing over her bust (and getting felt up by her grandparents), Sam would have been all-kinds-of-pushed-up since she was a ‘tween.
  5. Sam’s sister wouldn’t have taken a handful of muscle relaxants, she would have either snorted oxycontin or tweaked. or probably both.
  6. making fun of Asian exchange students is no longer acceptable, having them push our “lawn cutting machines” and asking “where – is – my – aut.o.mo.beeel?”  Long Duck Dong?
  7. I don’t think I’ve seen kids in head-gear in at least 10 years — did we outlaw them, or has it been replaced by Invisiline?
  8. nobody smokes for breakfast anymore, at least not in the movies.
  9. long, drawn out shots of Matt Dillon, with no dialog on his part, just don’t play the way they used to. I kept thinking, “is that his Dylan McKay look?” then I remembered Dylan McKay didn’t exist for another 6 years. (oh, and Jim Stark just called; he wants his look back.)
  10. “Mr. and Mrs. Rice-Chex” isn’t nearly as funny as it was in 1984.
  11. with the Internet and YouTube, nobody is going to shell out $1 to see a pair of underpants.
  12. with digital cameras, you’d never have your “picture with the prom queen” ruined by waiting 60 seconds for a Polaroid to develop.
  13. floppy disks are no longer a viable form of currency.

I wish I could come up with another 3 reasons, but I’ve given this too much thought already.

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3 Comments

Filed under hope I die before I get old, nostalgia

3 responses to “13 reasons Sixteen Candles doesn’t work in 2008

  1. Jon

    Plenty of girls still won’t date black guys which is their prerogative…..and that wasn’t Matt Dillon.

    • “Their prerogative”.. really? That might be so for those racist members of ours society but a line like that should not be used in a popular teenage movie. It makes it seem okay to be racist. Besides, with the exception of the stereotyped Asian character there were NO minorities in the film!

  2. Anonymous

    That wasn’t Matt Dillon. It was Michael Schoeffling.

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