Monthly Archives: May 2009

desperately seeking GrandCentral invite

I thought I could wait until Google Voice goes live, but I can’t.  They say it’s “coming soon”, in just a few weeks, but they’ve been saying that for weeks now.  I’ve got their Google phone, but I can’t use their enhanced voicemail, transcripts, and other goodies — arg.

If you can help me, please let me know.

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Filed under petty jealousy

my bid for “obscure reference boy 2009”

walking with my friend/boss Lisa through the hall at work, we pass a contractor/colleague.  she’s familiar, but I don’t know her name.

Lisa: “Hi Lisa.”

Lisa: “Hey, Lisa.”

Me: “whoa, where’s the Cult Jam?”

Lisa, Lisa:  <crickets>

yeah.  I’m going to chalk it up to a generational thing.  or maybe the fact that not everybody has the compulsive need to make a witty (and I know that’s being generous) pop-culture reference to every other little thing that is said or observed.  I’ve seen those references beget more references, which beget even more obscure references, to the point that two people are just hurling random movie/tv quotes and associated trivia at each other.  it’s kind of scary.

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Filed under music, whatnot, women

and you think you’re poor…

seen at work this week:

Eligibility:  Residents who are 150% below the poverty level.

If anyone is 100% below the poverty level (which is defined by income), their income is $0.  150% below the poverty level would imply that they pay someone 50% of the poverty level just to, what, breathe?

Surely they meant “residents who are below 150% of the poverty level”.

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innocence lost

When my daughter J was a newborn, I remember a conversation with my wife about what it meant to have a daughter. I told her that even though our infant daughter was a perfect, tiny little angel up to that point it was bittersweet because “daughters will break their father’s hearts.”  I wasn’t entirely sure what I meant at the time, but I knew it to be true.  my wife asked her father about my comment, and he agreed, and even recalled one of the times when it was particularly true for him in their relationship.

anyhow, so I was singing one of my favourite new songs to J yesterday:

Oh no, no, I never go to work.
Oh no, no, I never go to work.
Oh no, no, I never go to work.
Oh no, no, I never go to work.

On Mondays, I never go to work.
On Tuesdays, I stay at home.
On Wednesdays, I never feel inclined.
Work is the last thing on my mind.

On Thursdays, it’s a holiday!
And Fridays I detest.
Oh it’s much too late on a Saturday,
And Sunday is the day of rest.

I modified the lyrics a little bit to make the song an apology for leaving her, because I had to go to work.  something like, 

It’s Monday — so I gotta go to work,
I don’t want to — but I’ve got to make some money,
On Tuesday — I’ll probably go to work,
Cuz really — I’m just a mindless wage-slave…

something like that.  

“honey, I’d love to stay home with you — no NO, I never want to go to work!” I say.

my daughter responds with all earnestness, virtually pushing me out the door with her hug: “oh daddy, that’s just a song.

so somehow along the line, in her two and a half brief years, my daughter has learned that working 40 hours a week Monday to Friday is the norm, and “playing trumpet everyday” is only appropriate in songs.  I guess I thought that it would take a few years of public-schooling before she built a box around her creativity and energy and resigned herself to working for a living… and I can’t help but feel like a failure as a father.

maybe it’s not too late to turn her ship around.

once again ladies and gentlemen — They Might Be Giants: [zip forward to 0:30]

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Filed under damn lies, fear of the day, I believe the children are our future, money money money money, music, reasons to homeschool

more on the Real Celebrity Apprentice

Annie Duke: Joan Rivers is a Full of S*** Drama Queen 
It’s submitted by “Guest”, but it sounds like it could easily be a real post from Annie.

Gamblers Claim Annie Duke Got Hosed in Celebrity Apprentice Finale

‘The Celebrity Apprentice’: Annie Duke defends herself on ‘Ellen’
Pre-finale, and I haven’t actually watched the clip yet, but it sounds interesting. 

And the actual quote from my other post:

Joan Rivers: “You are a two-faced person. You have said I’m a cancer. You said you hoped I would die. You never said it to my face!”

Annie Duke: “For six boardrooms, I sat here and acted professional.”

Joan: “Professional-ly.”

Annie: “And there’s only so much a girl can take.”

Joan: “You’re not a girl anymore, darling. You’re a woman.”

Is that really supposed to be some kind of insult?  Is a ‘woman’ supposed to buck-up take more crap from people than a ‘girl’?  Or is everything out of that old bag’s mouth just sarcastic drivel?

OK, maybe I can get past this now…  Pray for me.

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Trump: afraid of Joan Rivers

I am actually mad at the end of the Apprentice finale.  That may have been the most cowardly thing I’ve ever seen on TV.

Joan and Melissa Rivers played the victim card every time.  Joan played the Hitler-card, called all poker players “worse than white trash”, accused them all of being associated with the mafia (I mean, professional poker players are more likely to hold a CPA than be associated with mobsters — many of them are downright geeky)  and just generally looked ridiculous ranting and raving against someone who is clearly smarter and cooler under pressure.

And Trump picked Joan Rivers.

This explicit validation of all the ridiculous lies and insults… of implicitly rewarding Melissa for being nothing more than a no-talent toadie and whiny spoiled brat… it’s all just too much.  I shouldn’t be this angry about the outcome of a stupid reality show, but I’m livid.

And it wasn’t just Trump, the other stupid celebrities said they would pick Joan as well (Scott Hamilton, Dennis Rodman, I think there was another) — these are people who may cross paths with the Rivers in the future; it’s unlikely they’ll ever cross Annie again.  And if they do, it will be across a poker table where they are supposed to be adversaries.  But they can’t afford to be ignored by Joan Rivers on the red carpet… this was a power play, plain and simple.  And while it’s hard to believe she has any pull anywhere, it looks like Joan Rivers has more celebrity power than Annie Duke.

I would love to have overheard what Annie said to Trump as she shook his hand.  I bet she told him he made a terrible mistake; I bet she’s got the nerve to do that.  And I hope she is instrumental in the bankruptcy of his next big casino… if she can get all the lower-than-white-trash (poker players) to boycott his resorts, that would be awesome.  After all, he implicitly endorsed the white-trash sentiment with his selection of Joan.  If this was the beginning of his undoing, that would be glorious.

My favorite line (when Annie admitted to saying unflattering things about Joan,  long after being compared to Hitler):

Annie:  Sometimes a girl reaches her breaking-point…

Joan (indignant): You’re not a girl, you’re a woman!

Annie:  Too bad you’re not, you old drag-queen.

OK, that wasn’t Annie’s response, but it was in my mind.  That would have been awesome.

So my conclusion is that Trump picked Joan because he’s afraid of her.  And that’s just pathetic.  Only marginally less pathetic than the fact that I care.

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Godiva is brilliant

so, my daughter bought a mother’s day gift for my wife at Godiva.  they are so GREAT, they gave us a stack of brownies just for buying a box that cost more than $35…

so, I’m sitting down tonight, eating the free stuff, and I realized that they’re giving away their Day-Old brownies as some kind of perk for buying their unconscienably expensive truffles or whatever.  I assumed I would be smarter than that — why didn’t I realize that I was eating (at least) day old brownies?

I’m guessing I just sucked down 10,000 calories in 5 small brownie squares.  cuz that would be some kind of jacked-up justice.

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!

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Filed under all we need is love