Category Archives: hope I die before I get old

genius — words escape me

I get teary-eyed just looking at it.

What you are looking at, ladies and gents, is what we at A Hamburger Today are calling the Hamburger Fatty Melt. Lemme give you the smack on this meat stack. From top to bottom:

  • Grilled cheese sandwich as bun top
  • Four-ounce beef patty
  • Grilled cheese sandwich as bottom bun

Got that? It’s a burger with two grilled cheese sandwiches as its bun.

No, I have not tried to make one.  Not yet.

Of course, this wasn’t enough for some people; thus the Bacon Hambuger Fatty Melt and the (frankly ridiculous) Double(!) Bacon Hamburger Fatty Melt — I’d post an image, but it makes me nauseous.  Click through on the Bacon Hambuger Fatty Melt if you dare witness this beast.

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Filed under healthcare, hope I die before I get old

kids say the darndest things

my wife was so kind to relate this to me…

so after all the sweetness of the other day, apparently my daughter held up my Seinfeld DVD box today, pointed to George Costanza, and said,

“that’s daddy!”

ugh.  all I can say is that when/if we play hockey, she better keep her head up.

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Filed under desperate, fear of the day, hope I die before I get old, I believe the children are our future

8 degrees warmer, and we’re all cannibals…

That’s our fate according to esteem scientist and sociologist, Mr. Ted Turner:

If steps aren’t taken to stem global warming, “We’ll be eight degrees hotter in 30 or 40 years and basically none of the crops will grow,” Turner said during a wide-ranging, hour-long interview with PBS’s Charlie Rose that aired Tuesday.

“Most of the people will have died and the rest of us will be cannibals,” said Turner, 69. “Civilization will have broken down. The few people left will be living in a failed state — like Somalia or Sudan — and living conditions will be intolerable.”

mmmm-kay.  And he says it like it’s a bad thing… do you know it’s only 52 degree today?  Why, 60 and sunny would feel just great — where do I sign up!?

Admitting that he’s “always suffered from foot-in-the-mouth disease,” Turner added, “I’ve gotten a lot better, though. It’s been a long time since anybody caught me saying something stupid.”

Whoa, Ted.  You might want to read the transcript of what you just said two paragraphs ago.

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Filed under dumbfounded, global warming, hope I die before I get old, I believe the children are our future, lies, whatever

13 reasons Sixteen Candles doesn’t work in 2008

So I caught Sixteen Candles on cable this evening, and I can’t seem to change the channel once John Hughes gets a grip on my television. At first I thought, “hey, somebody should remake this, update it a bit, but keep as much as possible.” Then I realized how much of it just wouldn’t translate anymore. In the age of Super Sweet Sixteens,

  1. kids don’t learn about “that stuff” at school, they learn about it on the Internet.
  2. Sam’s friend wouldn’t freak out about a “black guy?!” oh, and there would have been a token-black-guy in the movie. (which, in it’s own way, would be whack.)
  3. I don’t think “party serious” translates to 2008.
  4. instead of obsessing over her bust (and getting felt up by her grandparents), Sam would have been all-kinds-of-pushed-up since she was a ‘tween.
  5. Sam’s sister wouldn’t have taken a handful of muscle relaxants, she would have either snorted oxycontin or tweaked. or probably both.
  6. making fun of Asian exchange students is no longer acceptable, having them push our “lawn cutting machines” and asking “where – is – my – aut.o.mo.beeel?”  Long Duck Dong?
  7. I don’t think I’ve seen kids in head-gear in at least 10 years — did we outlaw them, or has it been replaced by Invisiline?
  8. nobody smokes for breakfast anymore, at least not in the movies.
  9. long, drawn out shots of Matt Dillon, with no dialog on his part, just don’t play the way they used to. I kept thinking, “is that his Dylan McKay look?” then I remembered Dylan McKay didn’t exist for another 6 years. (oh, and Jim Stark just called; he wants his look back.)
  10. “Mr. and Mrs. Rice-Chex” isn’t nearly as funny as it was in 1984.
  11. with the Internet and YouTube, nobody is going to shell out $1 to see a pair of underpants.
  12. with digital cameras, you’d never have your “picture with the prom queen” ruined by waiting 60 seconds for a Polaroid to develop.
  13. floppy disks are no longer a viable form of currency.

I wish I could come up with another 3 reasons, but I’ve given this too much thought already.

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Filed under hope I die before I get old, nostalgia

America: less racist than misogynist, less misogynist than age-discriminating

glorious:

reason contributor and Denver Post columnist David Harsanyi looks at the polling data and finds that 5 percent of voters say they won’t cast a ballot for an African American, 11 percent won’t vote for a woman—and a whopping 42 percent won’t vote for a 72-year-old (regardless of race or gender, I’m guessing that elderly Oscar nominee Ruby Dee shouldn’t be pondering a White House run anytime soon).

yeah, and count me in the latter category — I’m not saying “don’t trust anyone over 30”, but why would you put the country’s future in the hands of someone who only has a few good years left? maybe every President should be between 35 (the Constitutional minimum) and 45 years old — at least they’d have incentive not to screw things up, since they have another 35 to 45 years to live with the consequences…

via Reason: No Country For Grouchy Old Men?

[somewhat unrelated — don’t Canadian politicians seem to be younger than Americans? or am I mistaken?]

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Filed under hope I die before I get old, I believe the children are our future, politics

how I roll…

more photos for the un-Facebook’d.

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Filed under global warming, hope I die before I get old

Tim Russert p0wn3d

I basically fell asleep every time Hillary spoke, but when she started yelling at Tim Russert I sat up and took notice. She bowled over his question and refused to let him finish, and then sat there with this self-satisfied look that made my stomach turn. I wish I could screen-capture my TV to show you; (can Tivo do that?)

Tim, who usually holds his own against whoever is on the other side of his table*, looked like he was cowering as he read his follow up questions.

It wasn’t becoming. “I’m smarter than you Tim Russert. I can talk circles around you. You can’t even begin to know what I’m capable of. I will eat you alive, but first I will feed your children to you, and you’ll enjoy it.” OK, that was creepy. But I swear, that’s what the look on her face is saying right now (yes, I’ve had the Tivo on pause while I’ve been composing this. Seemed like the thing to do, since after she is elected she will become the face of Big Brother, and we’ll all have her watching over us, all the time.)

Name Your Fear? I fear Hillary Clinton.

* he holds his own when he wants to; but I’ll admit that he panders and throws big old softball questions to just as many (and I hate that).

[definition of p0wn3d]

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Filed under hope I die before I get old, if you aren't outraged you aren't paying attention, politics, rant, tinfoil hats, you aren't paying attention