worst corporate mission/values EVER

seriously, I’m embarrassed for this organization.  my only edits are in [square brackets], to protect their identity.  if you can tell me anything useful about the organization based on this description, you win $1,000,000:

Mission, Vision and Guiding Principles

Mission

Promote integrity and accountability

Vision

Deliver optimal value to our stakeholders

Guiding Principles

The [department] is committed to:

Achieving Results

Sustain our performance culture with increasingly challenging
and satisfying work that adds value to the [larger firm]

Respecting and Developing People

Treat everyone fairly and respectfully through our words and actions,
ensure professional growth, and support diversity

Operating with Integrity

Be a model of ethical behavior

Encouraging Innovation

Promote creativity in executing our mission

Developing and Retaining Knowledge

Create an environment that supports gathering, sharing
and retaining knowledge with interactive networks and tools

their goals are equally bad:

Goal 1 – Add Value to [bloated government entity] Operations

(whoops,  I let the cat out of the bag — it’s a bloated government entity…)

Goal 2 – Preserve Integrity and Security for [bloated government entity]

(ok, this almost sounds like a reasonable goal…  actually it sounds like it ought to be their Mission)

Goal 3 – Continuously Improve [our] Products and Services

(whatever that might mean, since no products or services are described here)

Goal 4 – Pursue a Highly Satisfying, Performance-based Culture within the [organization]

(on my taxpayer dime?  I could care less how satisfying your job is.  if it isn’t satisfying, give all that money back to the Treasury…)

fear of the day:  that I end up in an organization as pointless/aimless as this.

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5 Comments

Filed under corporate rebellion, stupid government

5 responses to “worst corporate mission/values EVER

  1. killer

    well what is it??

  2. It feels like the mission/goal/vision version of circular reasoning.

  3. st4rbux

    Mike is so very, very close, but not exactly.
    If I hadn’t said [bloated government entity], would you still have guessed a government entity?

  4. Wouldn’t have made any difference at all, since I used Google to find a long quote from it in a PDF. I was just a bit too hasty in ignoring the OIG part of the URL when I answered…

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