Eva Longoria vs. My Wife

What the heck — she has left me alone this evening (my wife, that is), and she can’t check up on me as they don’t have “the Internet” on the Eastern Shore yet, so let’s have at it:

Pregnancy

EVA:  Rumor is Eva is pregnant, but her publicist keeps denying it.  They say she looks ‘fat’ when in fact she looks like this: S.S. Eva Longoria Pregnant in a Bikini?

WIFE:  Pregnant.  Her publicist is way past denying it, and we’re all thankful for it — now the paparazzi will leave us alone when we’re cruising around on our friend’s $10M yacht.

Shoes

EVA: Crazy high heels.  See exhibit at left.

WIFE:  I wish… did I mention she is pregnant?

EVA: Valentino.  Spends an ungodly amount of money on shoes.  See the clip below where Craig Ferguson finds a price tag on the bottom of her shoes and flips out.

WIFE:  Not so much.  New Balance, maybe?  Which she keeps in a safe.

Laugh

EVA: I hope you watched the clip above (the rest of the post is kind of dependent on it) — because Eva laughs like a dolphin.  Seriously, I saw this live on TV and her crazy little laugh made me seize up.  Tony Parker must not be a funny man, because seriously, I’d go nuts.  (Bolts?)  Like Fran Drescher, but you kind of expect that laugh out of Fran Drescher.  At the very end of the clip, when she’s laughing, she lurches forward and looks like she’s going to inhale Craig.  Scary.

WIFE:  Great laugh.  Makes me laugh, which makes her laugh, and then J laughs — it’s good stuff.

Traffic

EVA: Doesn’t like it.

WIFE: Doesn’t like it.

Name Dropping

EVA: All over the place.  Denzel… Mark Wahlberg…  bleh.

WIFE: Not so much.

Nuts?  Bolts?

EVA: Apparently knows the difference.

WIFE: Definitely knows the difference, and would never get duped into saying, “This is a nut. And there’s two of them!”

ME: I saw the earrings sitting beside each other on his desk and thought “Tie Fighter”.  Anyone with me?

Desperate Housewife?

EVA: Yes.

WIFE: Uh, no.  At least I certainly hope not.

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2 Comments

Filed under desperate, married life, women

2 responses to “Eva Longoria vs. My Wife

  1. Wife

    WTF? New Balance in a safe? What?

    Eva: Probably lives in a home in the Hills with a gated entrance (with a keypad entry if need-be).

    Wife: Can break insulated tempered glass with a hammer (if need-be).

  2. storing the shoes in a safe — it was a reference to something in the video. Craig said she should keep hers in a safe.

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