One of the guys on my hockey team forwarded these — I haven’t validated the quotes, but it sure sounds like Carlin.
People think hockey is a sport. It’s not. Hockey is three activities taking place at the same time: ice skating, fooling around with a puck, and beating the sh*t out of somebody. If these guys had more brains then teeth, they’d do these things one at a time. First go ice skating, then fool around with a puck, then you go to the bar and beat the sh*t out of somebody. The day would last longer, and these guys would have a lot more fun.
Another reason why hockey isn’t a sport is that it’s not played with a ball. Anything not played with a ball can’t be a sport. The only other place you’ll find a puck is in the urinal to control the smell in the bathroom.
Which reminds me of a dissertation on urinal pucks vs urinal cakes… what was the final decision on that, guys?
Also, I hate to disagree with a dead man* but there are numerous sports that aren’t played with a ball; for example: badminton, horseshoes, and NASCAR. So there you go.
[* that’s not really true, I have no problem with it.]